You can't motorboat a personality
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
