Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
