I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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