We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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