Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
