these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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