On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
