its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My vagina is officially offended.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
