Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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