I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
