Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
