Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
