I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
