I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
