you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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