Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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