Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
where does the pee come out of this thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
