Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
