i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The air was thick with penises
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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