we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
