when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
