Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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