I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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