she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
