At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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