I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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