So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize