so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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