I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
