My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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