Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
