i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
