i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
