You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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