I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
