I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
