I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize