i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
