found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
