I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
