It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found puke in my bra..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The air was thick with penises
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
