remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
