I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
