when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Boobs speak an international language.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
