We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
