First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
