I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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