Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
