i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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