Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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