Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
