Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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