my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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