Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
