First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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