don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
