You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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