Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
