Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
