i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dick very happy bro
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
