This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
