So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize