Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
