It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
