Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
