It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
