Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like a drive thru vagina
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
