I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
