Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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