i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
