Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
