Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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