The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
