It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
