It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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