i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
