there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
