Umm I'm too high to move.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
