The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
